Thursday, October 13, 2011

Hurting ears and aching hearts

Addison screamed bloody murder last night when I removed her shirt before bed to put her pj's on.  The darn ears.....second time this year.  Her first year of life was riddled with infections and I mean twice a month.  It was ridiculously horrible to watch her go through that.  Eventually the doctor put in tubes.  We didn't want intervention but were afraid that she would wind up with permanent hearing damage so we just went ahead and had it done around her first birthday.  After that....not one.  Until a few months ago. 

The appointment went great . Way better than expected.  During the  previous one they had to flush her ears ( while she had a painful double infection)....biting , hitting, crying, pleading, frustrated nurses, soaking wet Mom. That day was NOT a good time. Anyways, she does have an infection but the nurse and doctors were very aware of how traumatized she is when it comes to people near her ears and approached everything gently.  My Addy was cautiously brave.  

On our way to back from the pediatrician  we swung by the Elliot because my doctor had ordered some lab work ( that's another story).  On our way we drove by a homeless man. He stood by the side of the road with a sign that read, "Just plain hungry and homeless." I could see her face in the rear view mirror and because her mind and heart often battle the same way mine does, I knew she was going to have a hard time swallowing the idea and moving on. Its like a disease this over productive worry that stirs....Addy started the questions and I had to tell her the truth of how sad some things are .I felt so bad for her . How do you explain to a little child that we are just going to drive by someone in need but then expect our children to grow  to have a servants heart? Would I not expect her to end up hardening to the horrors around us? They do not give a manual for this kind of stuff.  Someone has got to do it because I m no good here. 

She was trying to find a way to fix the situation. 

"Call Daddy and tell him we need to buy him a new house'.....(like a punch to the gut)

Maybe if I invite him to my birthday party he will have friends!" ....(if only it were that easy)

" Maybe we can go to Walmart and buy him a pillow and blanket so he can get comfy cozy in the woods." ....( I couldn't go there in my mind)

This went on for a while. After all of our appointments were done the questions and suggestions started once again.  She made me pull over and shop for food so he wouldn't be hungry. Grabbed a little carrier and let her load it up .  Bread, peanut butter, grape jelly, pop top veggies, m&m brownie, crackers, peanuts, bananas, ginger ale.....just let her do her thing. Who knows where he would put all this or if he even wanted it, but I wasn't going to put my grown up reason into anything. She was making a difference.  One most of us don't because we think  that we cant do something huge so we don't do anything at all.  You know what though....nothing gets better because the 500 people after us are thinking the same thing.  

Watching her tiny hands load up all these things reminded me that size and age has little to do with your ability to have compassion or your ability to do right. If she hadn't been with me, who knows what I would have done.  I would have wanted to fix this problem, desperately wanted to make this right but I would have felt like I couldn't do why try?  

This day  .....I didn't feel God pulling on MY heart, I heard Him through my daughters. She finished loading up the box, I paid, and we delivered. She stayed in the car for obvious reasons....he was still a stranger. She watched out the window with a huge grin. I handed the bag to him and explained they were from my daughter ( waving at the window).  Luckily I had a mini Book of John with me ( yes, I am THAT lady) and I was able to share the word of God with him.  Before I walked back to the van I told him that I was so very sorry for the situation he found himself in, that I wished I could do more but that I would pray for him.  He smiled and was grateful.  I will never forget it.  I am going to be looking at a lot of things differently now.  I am going to do the little things and I'm going to encourage everyone to.  I'm going to let my kids teach me sometimes. 

"If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him?"
1 John 3:17

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